Who Had the Worst Week?

• What do you not do when you are smuggling 29 pounds of cocaine through Mesa County? Drive 110 mph on I-70.
• Mike Willis, the director of Colorado’s Office of Emergency Management, looks like a dead man walking after a Denver Post profile of his threatening and bullying behavior. There’s no way Gov. Jared Polis wants this guy on the payroll as he campaigns for re-election.
• Want to take a leisurely stroll through a former Superfund clean-up site? Good news! An appeals court gave its approval to continue constructing trails at the site of the former Rocky Flats Nuclear Weapons Plant.
• Anglers 1, Fish 1: A 100-pound sailfish that was being reeled in lunged onto a fishing boat, impaling a 73-year-old woman.
• A chess-playing robot broke a 7-year-old opponent’s finger during the “Moscow Open.” In understated fashion, the president of the Moscow Chess Federation noted, “The robot broke the child’s finger. This is, of course, bad.”
• Deranged-billionaire-mad-scientist-frenemy Elon Musk made headlines this week for an alleged affair with the wife of Google co-founder Sergey Brin that ended their friendship and led to Brin’s divorce.
• Residents of Yamaguchi, Japan, have come under attack from monkeys “that are trying to snatch babies, biting and clawing at flesh, and sneaking into nursery schools.”
• A jury ordered cable company Charter Communications to pay $7 billion in damages to the family of a woman who was brutally murdered by one of its installers.
• Your boss won’t give you a $1.6 million annual bonus? Just give it to yourself! That line of reasoning led to a guilty plea by Weber Shandwick’s now-former CFO. He embezzled $16 million over a decade from the PR firm.
• Coyotes ate six of Martha Stewart’s pet peacocks. Celebrities … they’re just like you and me!

So, who won the week?

• U2, Gladys Knight and George Clooney are among the honorees at this year’s Kennedy Center Honors.
• The FCC has stepped up enforcement against car warranty spam calls, which means you may get fewer.
• The Denver Broncos started training camp this week, ensuring that 90% of Denver’s sports media coverage will focus on them. The upside? You don’t have to hear about how our last-place Colorado Rockies are doing anymore.