Chris Culliver’s Apology Translated

Actual Apology:

“The derogatory comments I made yesterday were a reflection of thoughts in my head, but they are not how I feel. It has taken me seeing them in print to realize that they are hurtful and ugly. Those discriminating feelings are truly not in my heart. Further, I apologize to those who I have hurt and offended, and I pledge to learn and grow from this experience.”

Translated:

“Holy shit! Apparently the NFL and/or the 49ers can suspend you from the Super Bowl if you rail against gay people at an NFL event while wearing an NFL jersey. That’s not cool. But my lawyer says I can avoid the suspension if I give the league something to work with, so, for the record and to the extent that it keeps me from being suspended, I am sorry. Is that good enough? If not, my lawyer can add some words I’ve never used in my life, like ‘derogatory,’ ‘reflection,’ ‘hurtful,’ and ‘discriminating.’ We good?”