Once again, we learned there is no shortage of people doing stupid things. It’s like that is humanity’s superpower. Below is a stroll down memory lane as we remember some of the dumber things that happened in 2024.

JANUARY 2024

• A Peloton instructor complained that a Christopher Nolan movie was a waste of time not knowing the director was in her class.
• A firearms instructor with the Denver Sheriff’s Department was suspended for 14 days after accidentally shooting his neighbor’s house.
• Boeing faced yet another public relations crisis when its 737 Max aircraft was grounded again after a side door plug blew out mid-flight on an Alaska Airlines jet.
• Disgraced former Denver Public Schools board member Auon’tai Anderson first chose not to run for school board re-election because polls showed him with the support of only 9% of voters. Then he announced he would instead run for a state house seat. Well, it turns out those voters also recognized his name, and in January he dropped out of that race as well.
• The L.A. Times was thrown into a state of mayhem as it laid off 115 positions – about 20% of its newsroom. Said one staffer, “I cannot overstate the level of chaos.” It was a harbinger of what was to come.

FEBRUARY 2024

• About 3,000 DNA samples needed to be retested – at a cost of about $7.5 million – after problems were discovered in one longtime Colorado Bureau of Investigation employee’s lab work.
• A Delta pilot sued after his foot was “swallowed” by a moving walkway at DIA. The complaint alleges that the pilot suffered “inflamed joints, a strained left Achilles tendon and bone contusions.” The chef’s kiss: the complaint also claims that the pilot’s shoe and sock were “severely damaged” in the incident.
• Former 104.3 The Fan program director Raj Sharan took a DJ position at Colorado Springs‘ Cat Country 95.1. The only catch – for the country station, he needs to go by the name Roger Sharan on air.
• Colorado Attorney General Phil Weiser filed a lawsuit to block King Soopers’ parent company Kroger’s $24.6 billion merger with Albertsons. Critics argue the merger would lead to higher food prices and lower employee salaries. How would that end? See December.

MARCH 2024

• We learned that about a dozen people who attended the bitterly cold playoff game between the Kansas City Chiefs and the Miami Dolphins suffered such severe frostbite that amputations were required. Unfortunately for Broncos fans, Patrick Mahomes was not one of them.
• Colorado Public Radio eliminated 15 employees in its audio and podcast production departments, although the station’s newsroom was spared.
• Comedian Nick Swardson had a melt-down on-stage in Beaver Creek that forced organizers to yank him from the stage. He blamed the effects of alcohol and edibles for his bizarre behavior.
• Russia added the “LGBT movement” to its list of terrorists and extremists.
• To political progressives, it must have felt like mommy and daddy were fighting. Former Colorado Public Radio host Vic Vela lawyered up and accused CPR of “belittling and mocking his mental health concerns” related to his ongoing struggles with addiction. Meanwhile, CPR contends that Vela was fired because he “demonstrated behaviors that are not in alignment with the values, culture and environment we have at CPR.”

APRIL 2024

• We learned that everyone in Japan could have the same last name – “Sato” – by the year 2531, according to calculations by university professors. Sato is currently the most common last name in Japan.
• 9News investigative reporter Jeremy Jojola had to jump out of an Uber mid-trip when the driver started on a #FakeNews rant directed at him.
• The National Association of Black Journalists (NABJ) criticized Westword’s cover promoting an article on gun violence as “play(ing) into the worst stereotypes and innuendoes.” Westword apologized for the cover art that depicted a young black boy carrying a gun, saying the image was “a major mistake that created harm and hurt.”
• Former Denver Broncos linebacker Bill Romanowski filed for bankruptcy amid DOJ allegations that he and his wife owe more than $15 million in back taxes. Unfortunately for Romanowski, you can’t spit at IRS agents.
• The iconic Brown Palace closed its Palace Arms restaurant after 74 years. 

MAY 2024

• Former longtime CBS4 reporter Rick Sallinger passed away. 
• A California mother was fined $88,000 after her children “collected clams — thinking they were picking up seashells — on the beach without a fishing license.” A judge has agreed to reduce the fine to $500.
• A Denver woman wrote a letter to the editor of The Denver Post complaining about all the growth that Denver has experienced since she relocated here in 1995.
• The Town of Morrison‘s new radar camera system ticketed more than 10,000 speeders in its first two weeks.
• American Airlines fired its outside law firm after its lawyers filed court documents blaming a 9-year-old girl for allegedly being secretly recorded in one of its airplane’s bathrooms by a flight attendant. The filing claimed that the young girl “knew or should have known” about the secret recording device.

JUNE 2024

•  German tennis star Alexander Zverev agreed to pay $220,000 to settle charges that he physically abused his former girlfriend who is the mother of his child. The agreement was announced just hours before Zverev was scheduled to play in the French Open semifinals.
• Recognizing the state of American politics, Canada began game-planning for what a U.S. civil war would mean for our polite neighbors to the north.
• Barnes & Noble emerged as the top bidder for the beloved-but-bankrupt independent Denver bookstore chain Tattered Cover.
• Presumably tired of hearing complaints from co-workers and others, Denver Public Schools superintendent Dr. Alex Marrero spent nearly $100,000 soundproofing his office. 
• Two American astronauts became stuck at the International Space Station while engineers tried to sort out some technical problems with the Boeing Starliner spacecraft. Fun Fact: They are still stuck there.

 JULY 2024

• A Chinese company accidentally launched its prototype rocket during what was supposed to be a ground test.
• A Washington, D.C., woman was accused of killing a man and using his severed thumb for several days to access his electronic devices to steal money from his bank account and pay for Uber rides.
• Investment company BlackRock pulled a two-year-old viral online ad that coincidentally included footage of Thomas Crooks, the man who was killed while trying to assassinate former President Donald Trump.
• Former Denver Bronco and Pro Football Hall of Fame running back Terrell Davis was handcuffed and removed from a United Airlines flight by FBI agents after a flight attendant alleged Davis hit him. Davis said he and witnesses to the incident were left confused because he simply tapped a flight attendant’s arm to ask for ice.
• The Clocktower Cabaret in the basement of the Daniels & Fisher Tower on 16th Street was flooded with raw sewage during a construction mishap.

AUGUST 2024

• A Florida woman was arrested after being pulled over during a traffic stop when an officer spotted a bag in her car labeled “Bag of Drugs.” It contained crack, meth and pills.
• The new Ford Amphitheater in Colorado Springs celebrated its opening weekend with a concert by OneRepublic and 144 noise complaints from neighbors. 
• Critics weren’t impressed with an 8-foot statue of his wife that Meta founder Mark Zuckerberg commissioned.
• Taliban leaders in Afghanistan banned the sound of women’s voices in public.
• You think your co-workers suck? A hiker had to be rescued when was left behind by 14 coworkers on a “team-building” climb of Mount Shavano in Chaffee County. 
• The U.S. Surgeon General released his office’s latest warning: parenting may be harmful to your mental health.

SEPTEMBER 2024

• Following being fired by Colorado Public Radio (see March), journalist Vic Vela announced he suffered a relapse and was fired from his new position with New Mexico PBS.
• Former Denver Broncos star Shannon Sharpe accidentally livestreamed a video on Instagram of him having sex.
• Rapper Sean “Diddy” Combs was arrested, charged with activities including sex trafficking, forced labor, interstate transportation for purposes of prostitution, drug offenses, kidnapping, arson, bribery and obstruction of justice.
• Boar’s Head‘s listeria-contaminated deli meats killed 10 people and drove the company’s CEO into hiding.

OCTOBER 2024

• Jonathan Davis, a self-styled food influencer who runs The Denver Foodie social media accounts, was accused of taking hundreds of dollars from small restaurants and then failing to profile them.
• One person died and 12 people were stranded 1,000 feet underground at a Colorado gold mine when an elevator malfunctioned.
• TD Bank was hit with a record $3 billion fine from federal regulators for, among other things, laundering money for drug cartels.
• Bath & Body Works apologized for its “Snowed In” scented candle whose design looked suspiciously like a KKK hood.
• A Mesa County resident died and 26 other Coloradans were sickened by an E. coli outbreak linked to McDonald’s restaurants.
• Former Denver Broncos QB and reality TV star Jay Cutler was arrested in Tennessee and charged with driving under the influence, possession of a handgun while under the influence and failure to exercise due care to avoid a collision.

NOVEMBER 2024

• Mattel apologized for printing the URL of a porn site on the packaging of its line of dolls for the movie “Wicked.” Mattel may be a toy manufacturer, but it doesn’t make those kind of toys, and it intended instead to drive consumers to the website for the movie.
• A Russian court fined Google $20,604,600,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 (that’s $20.6 decillion for you math nerds). The fine, for allegedly blocking access to Russian media outlets, literally exceeds all the money on Earth.
• UCHealth agreed to pay $23 million to settle claims that it systemically over-billed the federal government for care.
• The University of Denver disclosed it was cutting jobs and tightening its budget amid an $11 million budget deficit. Officials cite decreasing enrollment as the cause.
• Kraft Mac & Cheese inexplicably launched a new flavor – Everything Bagel.

DECEMBER 2024

• Edelman announced it is laying off 330 employees as it navigates what it expects to be an 8% decline in revenue in 2024.
• The CEO of UnitedHealthcare was shot and killed while arriving at an investor conference Manhattan. After a five-day manhunt, the alleged shooter is found in Altoona, Pa. wearing essentially the same clothes and mask, and still carrying the murder weapon. DB Cooper, he is not.
• The Morrison Police Department, most known for running the most brazen speed traps in the state, has disbanded. 
• Albertsons officially ended its merger agreement with Kroger after federal and state rulings against it, ending what would have been the largest supermarket acquisition in U.S. history. Albertsons then sued Kroger for breach of contract and accused it of failing to exercise its “best efforts” to get regulatory approval.
• Consulting firm McKinsey & Co. will pay $650 million to resolve a U.S. DOJ investigation into its work advising opioid manufacturer Purdue Pharma on how to boost sales.